Raise Your Glass
by epicpickleninja
Summary: A collection of oneshots featuring the awesome brothers that are Blaine and Neal :) Suggestions welcome. Orginally just a oneshot about a White Collar party.
1. Chapter 1

**Darren Criss + Matt Bomer = Happy fangirl**

It really shouldn't have mattered.

Every year the New York Bureau held a party celebrating the New Year. Officially, it was held to raise the general sense of morale. In reality, it was meant to forcibly bond the different departments together over cheese cubes and eight dollar bottles of wine. The Bureau originally planned the party as a whole, but the higher ups quickly decided a morale-boosting party would inspire more confidence when important figures in individual departments weren't arguing about floral pieces, entertainment, dress code, food and pretty much anything another department suggested. So every year a different department held the party and, in true Bureau fashion, it quickly spiraled into a competition.

It was tame enough at first. Missing Persons held a lovely Winter Wonderland party. Entertainment was mediocre, food fabulous when compared to the usually muck served at the Bureau. The next year, the Tech department threw a Disco party that should have been cheesy, but with the awesome light up display and dance floor and even a robot bartender, nobody seemed to mind. After that, things truly spiraled out of control. With professional chefs, flashy bartender shows and even a "fortune teller" who then turned into an annual tradition, much to the delight of Homeland Security, the Bureau parties became harder and harder to beat. With last year's party being a tropical paradise in the middle of winter, complete with hula girls and a fire display, the bar was raised high and White Collar was determined to beat it. Their determination had nothing to do with last year's host being Organized Crime, as everybody repeatedly told Neal. Neal didn't, however, know how much the party meant to White Collar until Elizabeth had to turn down a big client so she would have enough time to plan the White Collar New Year's Eve party. Then Neal tried to help.

Somewhat.

"I'm just saying that I know a thing or two about throwing a party Mr. Let's-host-a-party-at-a-crime scene," Neal argued.

"I already told you that your place was better," Peter replied hotly, while he threw another file on an already leaning tower of files that Neal eyed warily. "But this party already has a location: the lobby. We at the Bureau can accomplish things without the Great Neal Caffrey."

"Yes, but—"

"No buts," Peter said, roughly handing the file mountain to Neal. "Here's something to help that boredom you're apparently feeling."

"But Peter, I can get models!" Neal said desperately.

"For what?"

"Waitressing! It'll be sexy, exciting—"

"And already done," Peter said. "Have fun with mortgage fraud, Neal."

Neal bit down a sigh when Peter shut the door in his face. So maybe he _had _been coming on a little strong and _hadn't_ talked to Peter about anything else in the last few days. It was the thought that counts, right? Neal would've brooded a little longer if Peter hadn't taken that moment to tell Neal to go to his desk and make puppy dog eyes somewhere else. He went with a roll of his eyes. Neal Caffrey did _not_ have puppy dog eyes.

~O~

"I don't know what you guys were worried about," Neal said as he scanned the now unrecognizable FBI lobby. Elizabeth was truly a miracle worker. "This party is exquisite."

Elizabeth beamed up at him. "Aww, Neal, you're such a sweetie. I was worried that masquerade parties were overdone but…"

"It's a hit!" Peter finished for her. "You're the best wife someone could ask for, hon."

She glowed behind her peacock mask and quickly pecked Peter on the lips. "I know, I know…you lucked out." El's lingering smile turned into a slight frown as she glanced at the stage where a band was currently playing a very jazzy, upbeat song. El glanced at Peter's watch. "I should probably see where Steve is…he was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago."

"Steve?" Peter asked.

"The singer," El responded absentmindedly as she made her way through the crowd.

"The band is still good by itself," Neal said to no one in particular. The microphone on stage did look rather lonely now that he thought about it...

"Besides, didn't I hear something about karaoke?" Jones asked with a smirk. "Me and Diana will have a killer duet."

"Who says?" Diana called from the punch bowl.

"Me! You know you can't resist my charms!"

"What charms, Jones? And even if I did go for your team obviously Caffrey would be my first choice."

"Don't inflate his ego any more than necessary," Peter groaned.

"It's alright, Peter. It's a lesson every person has to learn," Neal said with his signature 1000-watt smile. "I'm just sorry Jones had to find out this way…Peter, heads up."

Peter swung around just in time to see a furious Elizabeth slam her phone shut. "Steve isn't coming. 'Found a better gig' apparently. That weasel! After all the help I gave him! He _owed_ me. Now—"

"El! Hon, it's alright," Peter said as he wrapped his wife into a hug.

"No, Peter, it's not," Elizabeth said, sounding remarkably close to tears. Neal and Peter shared an alarmed look. "I ruined your big party. Every good party needs a singer. Now you can't even beat Organized Crimes…"

"El, you're a miracle worker," Peter whispered in her ear. "I wouldn't believe this was the FBI Lobby except for the fact that I walked through the front door. Everybody is having a great time. The decorations are fantastic and the food is delicious."

"Even if there is deviled ham," Neal muttered. Peter's glare softened at the sound of Elizabeth's quiet giggle.

"Sorry, I was being ridiculous," she said as she carefully wiped her eyes without hindering her mask or her make-up. A remarkable feat. "It's just been a long day and the caterer cancelled last minute so I had to call in a favor, the drapes kept ripping and the balloons wouldn't stay in their towers, and—"

"Elizabeth the party is wonderful," Neal interrupted, "and I might be able to get a singer here…if that's alright." Peter raised an eyebrow at Neal's almost shy tone.

El immediately brightened. "Neal, that would be so great! Would you please?"

Neal nodded as he brought his cell phone to his ear.

"Comes in handy, doesn't he?" Peter asked.

"He has his moments," Elizabeth agreed. "Now if you excuse me I'm going to make sure Johanna has everything covered before I come back and join Diana by the food."

"Is your friend coming?" Peter asked as Neal returned a few seconds later. Neal handed Peter a piece of devilled ham with a slight look of disgust on his face.

"Yep."

"Has he committed a felony?" Peter felt obligated to ask.

Neal rolled his eyes. "Not that I know of."

"What a shocker, Burke and Caffrey joined at the hip."

"Hello, Ruiz," Peter greeted. "You do realize this is the one time where we at least _pretend_ to get along."

Ruiz shrugged jerkily. "Your wife did an alright job, Burke."

Neal felt Peter relax minutely at the comment.

"Can't beat our tropical get-away from last year, but what could?" Ruiz continued. "Even though I'm sure Caffrey has plenty of experience with tropical get-aways. Take a good look around. Notice all the teenage girls that were dragged here by their parents. I'll tell you one thing, they were definitely not this bored last year."

"So we're now judging parties based on teen preferences," Peter said sardonically, "if I had known sooner I could've told El to make it Justin Bieber themed."

"Beiber fever is catching!"

Ruiz frowned at the random voice, but Neal was just surprised that Mozzie willingly decided to go to a FBI event.

"I suppose at least then you could have a singer," Ruiz said.

Neal and Peter watched as Ruiz walked away to join one of his lackeys.

"As evil-villain-closing-statements go, that was pretty lame," Neal said.

"Defiantly a three," Peter said.

"A three?" Neal said indignantly. "I don't even think it ranks on the one to ten scale."

"But at least we have your guy," Peter said. "Is he any good?"

Neal got a patronizing look on his face. "Peter, are any people I recommend anything less than fantastic?"

Peter scoffed. "Hope he lives up to your expectations."

Neal shot an amused glance at the stage. "You can judge for yourself."

"_Heeeeeey, Heeeeey, Heeeeey,_

_ Your lipstick staaaains, _

_On the front lobe of my left side braaaain—"_

Yep, Neal's friend was defiantly living up to the conman's expectations and, if the sudden amount of screaming girls at the party was anything to go by, Peter wasn't the only one to think so.

"Oh my god! I love you Blaine Anderson!" one particularly loud teenager screamed. Peter choked on his devilled ham, catching Neal shooting him an amused expression before turning his attention back to the stage. Even _he_ knew who Blaine Anderson was. But how Neal ever got the Broadway and Glee actor to sing at the FBI party, Peter was determined to find out before the end of the night. He did a cursory glance around the room and saw an excited look on the majority of the agents' faces because one, the boy was famous, two, the party was excellent to begin with, and three, Anderson certainly knew how to play with his audience.

"Neal! How did you get him?" El asked in astonishment. Yep, number one question in the room right now.

Neal just gave them a Caffrey smirk. "Just said I'd owe him a favor and Peter _relax_. I really feel like you would know if Blaine had a criminal record."

A part of Peter wanted to stay in FBI mode, but El's expression, the party mood and Neal's casual mention of "Blaine" made Peter relax. "Care to dance, hon?"

"Love to," El said as she gracefully accepted Peter's offered hand.

Neal smiled softly at the retreating couple, smirking at Blaine on stage before offering him a small nod as the teenage girls continued to scream and belt out the lyrics while jumping around the edge of his stage. Neal would be more worried for his safety if Blaine wasn't in the middle of an FBI building and most of these agents were either the girls' parents or family friends. He saw Ruiz frowning at a painting and waltzed over with a smirk.

"Great brushstrokes," Neal said from behind him, causing Ruiz to jump and glare. "Look how they go from thick to small and the careful blend of colors to get a soft sunset. I still can't believe White Color got permission to show this painting."

"Think I'm really going to fall for that, Caffrey," Ruiz snapped. Neal realized absently that Blaine was singing 'Trouble,' which fit oddly. "I don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

"It's alright, I trust you as far as I can throw you," Neal reassured him. "More than three feet though and we have a problem."

"Whatever, Caffrey," Ruiz muttered as he stormed away while angrily jotting something down on his 'Painting Masquerade' form.

"Don't run from the trust zone!" Neal called desperately after Ruiz's retreating form. Nearby White Collar agents smirked at Neal's antics.

"What are you doing?" Peter asked.

"Ruining Ruiz's answers in the 'Painting Masquerade,' " Neal said. El, with Neal's assistance, came up with the perfect game for the White Collar's masquerade. A contest where people have to identify the real paintings from the forgeries, which Neal will probably now refer to as 'paintings that hide under masks because they have low self esteem' as Peter so eloquently put it during his confusion. Neal was sure Moz would appreciate the code. "How did you manage to get the real painting?"

"You're not the only one with connections."

"Peter!" Neal exclaimed with a hint of pride. "Answering the question without actually answering it! Words cannot describe how proud I am—"

"Yeah, yeah," Peter said. "So Blaine Anderson…"

Neal tensed slightly, his ecstatic expression dimming a fraction. "Blaine Anderson."

"Are you going to tell me or…"

"You guys have been a great crowd," Blaine called from stage. Girls screamed while a few younger agents cheered and the older agents clapped politely in an attempt to not look excited to see the heartthrob at their party. "And I was hoping that you could let me have a chance to perform a song with my brother. Something that was always popular with our neighbors when we were growing up. And since he _does_ owe me…"

Peter frowned as Anderson seemed to aim an intense get-over-here-now expression in his direction. As he caught Neal's small shake of his head, Peter felt like an idiot. Of course! It made sense now! Why Neal seem reluctant to talk about Blaine (since when does Neal like to talk about his past?) and Blaine's appearance to a tiny party (what people do for family…). In his loudest, cheering voice Peter yelled, "Yeah! Come on, Neal!"

Neal shot him a glare as Blaine directed a warm smile at Peter. Agents seemed to get through their momentary shellshock and start clapping as Neal turned his conman smile to the crowd and made his way to the stage.

"So," El said, "Neal has a brother."

"Yep," Peter agreed with a smile.

"Do they get along?" Elizabeth asked.

"Blaine came here because Neal asked didn't he?"

~O~

"Why are you doing this?" Neal asked through clenched teeth when he climbed on stage.

Blaine turned away from the audience to shoot Neal a hurt look. Neal _knew _that Peter would never successfully experience puppy dog eyes until he saw his brother's face. "I want to bond with my brother."

"We _are_ bonded," Neal pointed out, his bright blue eyes taking in all the higher ups in the crowd.

"Yeah but what about all those years you spent in prison, and then before when you were escapading in Europe and Asia," Blaine said, his small tone belayed by the dazzling smile he directed toward the crowd. Neal wasn't the only conman in the family. "I missed having a big brother around."

Neal took in a quick breath. Blaine didn't really think that did he? He glanced at him and saw Blaine offer a silent apology and a slight shrug. Neal gave a small smile and scanned the crowd. Great. All of the departments were looking up in interest. Can the great Neal Caffrey sing? He really did not want to do this…

Neal then completely disregarded the instinct that made him so successful first as a conman, then as a consultant—he glanced at his brother. Damn it. His brother already changed his expression as soon as he felt Neal's mood shift. The famous Gleek was now sporting his infamous pouting, abused puppy dog look. Neal knew it was a trap. But his face…

"I still visited around holidays," Neal muttered as he took the microphone

Blaine's grin turned genuine at Neal's compliance. He pulled him into a one armed hug. "Still remember the choreography?"

"Like I could forget that," Neal smiled at Blaine.

"Alright!" Blaine, bring his microphone up while he addressed the crowd. "Put your hands together for 'Rio' and 'Hungry like the Wolf' mash-up!" The crowd cheered as Blaine and Neal stood side by side as a familiar tune took the stage.

"_Dark in the city, Night is a wire,_

_ Steam in the subway, earth is a fire"_

Neal took a breath as he joined in,

_"Woman you want me, give me a sign,_

_ And catch breathing even closer behind"_

As they started the second "do, do, do's" Neal had slight satisfaction from the slightly surprised looks in the agents' faces, especially Ruiz's.

~O~

Elizabeth and Diana cheered by the stage as the brothers ended the song.

"I guess if another singer bails I can just get you, Neal," Elizabeth teased lightly.

"Thanks, Elizabeth," Neal said. "Didn't even want to get up there, but the little sucker blackmailed me."

Peter snorted. "You know what? I feel like Neal always needed a little brother."

"I think they look adorable together," Diana said, "and about time someone came around who can manipulate Neal."

"Really?" Neal huffed. "I get _no _sympathy…"

"Now let's start the much anticipated karaoke!" Blaine called from the stage, before handing the microphone to the guitarist and hopping down next to Neal. "First off, I did _not _blackmail you and second off, hi you must be Peter. I'm Blaine."

Peter shook the offered hand with amusement. "Have you heard great things?"

"Wonderful," Blaine agreed.

"Yes, you did blackmail me," Neal argued, "and this is Peter's lovely wife, Elizabeth, and my colleagues, Jones and Diana."

"Hello," Blaine greeted amiably, "and stop being so dramatic. I manipulated you in public. It's not like I said that I'd show the FBI a certain commercial…"

"Commercial?" Jones asked with interest.

"It's nothing," Neal said as he brought Blaine down for a noogie, "besides Blaine knows that he's done a lot more stupid stuff than me."

"I find that hard to believe," Peter scoffed.

"At least caught on camera," Neal amended as Blaine pushed away from him with an affronted expression as he tried to fix his hair.

"Yeah, but _you _work here," Blaine said. "I'm sure they'd be much more interested in something you've done than me."

"I'm not the one with fan girls."

"Down children," El scolded mockingly. Peter was amused to see Neal and Blaine share the same properly abashed look. He was suddenly glad that Blaine chose a different route for his acting abilities.

"Sorry, have I told you that your party is incredible?" Blaine asked.

El beamed at him. "You're just as polite as Neal. Thank you."

"No problem. I actually am hosting a party in a few weeks if you wouldn't mind helping out…"

She stared at Blaine before realizing she should probably respond. "That sounds great! Wait one second and I'll get you a business card."

"So just so I can get this straight," Neal said, "me singing on stage with you does not count as the favor."

"Pretty much yeah," Blaine said. "I believe you were the one who told me to let people draw their own conclusions." Neal narrowed his eyes at Peter's chuckle.

"Wow, conned by my own little brother…"

"It's not conning if you get paid," argued Blaine.

"I'll remember that," Neal said with a wink, "and even though I really don't want to start this argument with you again. Yes. Acting is _exactly _like pulling a con."

"Would you like a position at White Collar?" Jones asked, smirking into his punch cup.

"What would I even do?"

"I don't even care, just sit there and keep Neal distracted," Jones said.

"Oh God, no," Peter said. "Can you imagine a second Neal? …No offense."

Neal tipped his hat at Peter. "You always just know the right thing to say. So Blaine what exactly is this favor you want me to do?"

"Some people do actually wait to cash in their favors," Blaine said, "but, luckily, I already have something in mind for you."

"Joy."

"Can we help?" Diana asked.

"Maybe…" Blaine said before continuing nonchalantly, "but I was actually thinking you could sing a song with me on my next album."

Neal choked on his drink. "Seriously?"

"Yep, a cover of Gotye's 'Somebody that I Used to Know.' "

"That's…wow. That's…" Neal stammered.

"Never thought I'd see Neal at a loss for words," Peter said.

"I'd buy it," Jones said, "just to be supportive."

"Yeah, Caffrey," Diana said, "you could be famous…to normal people. Not just governments and other art thieves."

"I'm sure you'd be great, Neal," El said, handing Blaine her business card, which he accepted with a flourish. Peter mentally rolled his eyes. Couldn't there be one member of Neal's family that didn't know con tricks?

"Blaine, that's flattering, but…"

"No buts," Blaine said firmly.

Neal ignored his brother. "I would just prefer if the whole world _didn't _know that we were related."

Neal trusted the FBI. Peter fought to keep his face neutral and not drop his cup. Neal _trusted _the FBI! Neal, who kept his brother a secret in order to protect him from potential enemies, trusted the FBI enough to invite his brother to a FBI-sanctioned event. Peter never knew how much he had gotten through to Neal until this very moment.

Blaine's face softened even as he rolled his eyes. "I did think things through. Just use your other name."

"What name would that be?" Peter asked instinctively, going into FBI mode even though his heart wasn't particularly in it.

Blaine didn't hesitate. Instead, he said brightly, "You don't know? He's quite famous where we grew up…well one of the places we grew up."

Peter never knew how much Neal got to him until he saw the trademark Caffrey mischievousness in Blaine's eyes and Peter had to fight against the urge to check for his wallet.

"I suppose it would suit him," Neal agreed after a moment.

"So you'll do it?" Blaine asked with a grin.

"Course," Neal said. "I can't go back on my word, what type of example would I set?"

"_Now _you're worried about example," Peter said. Neal's response was cut off by a very loud Jones. He could've sworn there was a strict no-alcohol policy.

"Diana, I have a proposition," Jones said. "Would you like to _duet_ with me or be serenaded?"

"Wow, Jones, you have the maturity of a sixth grader," Diana said as Jones laughed at his own bad pun. "Let's get this over with. Ready to duet?"

"Hell yeah!" Jones said before dragging Diana on stage and belting 'Don't Stop Believing' horribly off tune.

Peter sighed. "I guess I should save Diana. Jones gets very clingy when he's tipsy."

"Really?" El asked. "He doesn't seem the type."

"Oh yeah," Peter said. "He stuck to Neal like a koala bear at the last party."

"Really?" Blaine asked with interest. "Maybe I won't have to pull the commercial card if you do things like that."

"I was just trying not to get smothered," Neal protested, vaguely aware of El and Peter leaving the brothers alone.

"And you say I do more stupid things than you…"

"You're not seriously going to tell them are you?" Neal asked.

"Really?" Blaine said. "You doubt me that much? Besides I thought that you asked Hardison to delete all of them."

"I did but it's _insane _how popular that commercial is," Neal said, "and the company keeps playing it…and playing it. Hardison got rid of all the copies of it on the internet—"

"At the time," Blaine interjected.

"Yes, at the time," Neal agreed, warily watching his brother, "but I didn't think to get rid of the hard copies. Oh, stop laughing."

"Sorry," Blaine coughed, not even trying to realistically cover his laughter. "I wouldn't want to humiliate you, Neal."

"It wouldn't humiliate me. It would just give Peter a heart attack because he would literarily die of joy. I like Peter. I'd prefer for him not to die of joy."

"But laughter is the best medicine," Blaine said chirpily as he nodded back up to the stage, acknowledging the guitarist's frantic signals that karaoke was over. Apparently, drunk Jones getting smacked by Diana ruined the karaoke mood.

"Nobody is sick, Blaine!"

Blaine just smirked as he reached the stage and instantly started singing 'Smooth Criminal.'

~O~

"Free credit rating today! Dot com! Start saving!"

"Play it again!"

Neal groaned at the loud laughter from the conference room and the unanimous yell for an encore.

"Free credit rating today! Dot com! Start saving!"

"Neal, you look great!" Someone, maybe Diana, yelled down. Neal waved his hand in acknowledgement. He was going to kill Blaine. Or, you know, get even. Time to post a certain video on YouTube. Neal scanned his Blaine videos. Six Flags, Gap attack, little Blaine, Blaine at the Harry Potter midnight premiere, Blaine in a banana suit…wow his brother had done a lot of blackmail-worthy things.

"Free credit rating today! Dot com! Start saving!"

He really needed to break into that insurance company.


	2. Chapter 2

**So this totally wasn't supposed to happen. Raise Your Glass (awesome title I know) was supposed to be a oneshot. But Blaine and Neal are awesome brothers (: and this just kind of popped into my head. So I'm going to turn this into a series of oneshots. **

**SUGGESTIONS WELCOME (*cough* but more likely to be listened to if there's also a review *cough*)**

Neal swung around his chair and let out a deep sigh. He never knew this could happen. Like ever. What happened to the bad economy forcing people to forge and steal paintings, bonds and other White Collar related crimes? For the first time since the anklet was clasped around Neal's ankle, there was nothing for him to do. Not even mortgage fraud. It wasn't as if the crimes just stopped—Neal knew this for sure. He was just "on leave" because he recently experienced a "trauma" when he went on the "voluntary" Organized Crimes' "undercover" operation. Of course, Neal didn't see the point of being "on leave" if he was forced to stay in the office. He knew in the back of his mind Peter was chewing out Ruiz while Hughes was more politely chewing out the Organized Crimes department head. Neal personally didn't see what the big deal was. It's not as if it's the _first_ time he was used as bait and handled a shoddy explosive. He would've rather not dealt with the explosive but at least the St. Louis mob was no longer after him…well, unless word reached them that Neal helped with their boss' capture. At least he always had The Dentist on his side. Nevertheless, he'd cross that potential bridge when he came to it. Right now, he had a more pressing matter.

Peter and Hughes were taking awhile to get him off his enforced leave-but-stay-in-the-office. It's been at least thirty minutes and Diana had already taken his rubber band ball, paper clips, post-its and highlighters because he was being "unnecessarily distracting" and Jones just laughed at him when his computer decided to crash a few minutes later. Neal Caffrey was bored.

So bored, he almost jumped in excitement when he felt the vibration of his phone. But he contained himself and casually glanced around the office as he nonchalantly answered his phone.

"Hello?" he asked, not bothering to check the caller ID in his rush.

_"Neal! I need to do that vanishing thing you do."_

"Blaine?"

_"…I just rolled my eyes at you. But yeah, it's me. You know, your brother? Maybe you remember me. I was born six years after you, we both have dark hair, mine's frizzier which isn't even fair because you do pretty much nothing while I have to kill the environment by using carts of hair gel. Oh yeah, and there is this crazy new thing called 'caller ID' that lets you actually know who you're talking to before you answer your phone. Modern technology. What can ya do?"_

"Hmm…I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. I don't actually know anyone that meets that description. "

_"Oh, ha ha. All right, fine. Let me start over, Neal, can you pretty please walk me through the 'vanishing into the crowd' thing you do oh so well?"_

"I don't know…it's more of a 'con' thing. I don't know if you can pull it off as an actor. Since they're so different and all…"

_"…"_

Neal smirked into his cell phone, casually swinging his chair around to see that Peter and Hughes' "meeting" with Organized Crime escalated into a screaming match. So glad he was on the other side of the glass wall.

_"I'm not going to say it."_

"Say what?" Neal asked innocently. "I'm just pointing out a minor speed bump in your plan since, as an actor, you couldn't pull off something that a con artist could do. Since conning and acting are polar opposites."

_"…I suppose they're…kind of the same."_

Neal imagined Blaine saying that through clenched teeth. It made him smile. "What was that? You're breaking up."

_"Fine. I, Blaine Anderson, admit that acting and conning are similar."_

"How similar?"

_"Neal…"_

"Alright, so where do you need to vanish from?"

_"Um…the studio?"_

"Don't you guys have security or something?"

_"Yeah, but technically the paparazzi are in a public space."_

"Didn't you drive to work?"

_"I kind of need to pick my car up a couple blocks away. I was meeting a coworker for breakfast and I had to drop my car off by the shop because it kept making this weird gurgling sound."_

"The coworker or the car?"

_"Both, but the car was less amusing."_

"Blaine, I don't want to sound like a jerk or anything, but aren't you used to paparazzi harassing you?"

_"Wow. The overprotective older brother instinct just passed you by, didn't it?"_

"I waved to it, but we both agreed a long distance relationship would be for the best."

_"Nice."_

"I try. Now, stop deflecting. You're worried about the paparazzi because…?"

_"Not to sound conceited but have you seen slash read anything about me lately?"_

"I heard you referenced as a teenage dream by some giggling teenagers."

_"That was at the party. Doesn't count."_

"_No, _actually it was while I was in line at the grocery. Suck it."

_"What happened to suave conman?"_

"What happened to calm, collected, frizzy-haired hobbit?"

_"I am calm and collected!"_

"You hissed at me. I fail to believe you."

_"Whatever. The reason I asked was because there are some rumors saying that I'm in a relationship with a costar."_

"Aren't there always?"

_"Yeah…um…here's the thing…they—ah—might have—ah—some photographic evidence?"_

"You let yourself get a picture taken that you were unaware of? And you call yourself my brother."

_"Hey! It wasn't my fault. Besides you probably had pictures taken of you that you weren't aware of."_

Neal snorted. "Have not."  
_"How do you know? You wouldn't be aware of them."_

"…Touché."

_"You gave up that quickly? Whoa."_

"I just won the acting and conning war. I thought I might as well let you win a minor skirmish."

_"How kind of you."_

"What are big brothers for? So what pictures did they take?"

_"Just some that would somewhat help their claim that I'm dating my coworker."_

"Smooching in public? I'm ashamed you think so little of our family honor. So which coworker was it? That Chris Klaine guy?"

_"Chris Colfer?"_

"Who's Klaine?"

_"It's the couple name for our characters. Kurt plus Blaine equals Klaine."_

"Isn't that adorable? But I thought that you guys were dating."

_"Just because we're the most well known gay actors on Glee doesn't mean that we're automatically together."_

"So who is it then?"

_"You know the guy who plays Sam…?"_

"The blonde who makes impressions?"

_"Yeah."_

"Doesn't ring a bell."

_"…"_

"So are you guys Blam?"

_"His real name is Chord, actually."_

"Oh," Neal took a moment to digest this. "So are you guys Bored?"

_"Neal."_

"Blaine. Anyway, don't you know rule numero uno is 'do not date your coworkers'?"

_"Yeah…but Lea and Cory are getting away with it and it's not like me and Chord made out in the middle of Central Park."_

"They caught you two getting your mack on? That's so unromantic."

_"Hey! I'm totally romantic. I've serenaded so many people before Glee."_

"Jeremiah thanks you, by the way."

_"Whatever, the point _is _that the paparazzi found out we were dating yesterday, I don't have a car, I'm the last one to leave and I really don't want to be pestered by paparazzi the whole two blocks."_

"Shouldn't boyfriend 101 be to drive you in his car to your car?" Neal asked dryly. Chord's reputation was already being tarnished in Neal's book for that little action.

_"He offered, but he had a family thing and I had to stay later anyway so yeah…"_

"I suppose I can help you, but I definitely want to meet Bored."

_"You mean Chord."_

"Nope. Bored. I want to see you guys as a couple and I thought I'd save time and say 'Bored' instead of 'you and your boyfriend.' See how much more of a mouthful that last one was? Much less efficient."

_"…I'm just going to ignore that for now. So I'm at the studio gates and—"_

"What? Don't go out the front. Do the back or a side exit or, better yet, a window.

_"There are paparazzi in the front and back and there aren't all that many exits here."_

"How inconvenient. I'm sure I'd be more helpful actually there, but I have this annoying two mile tether."

_"You could always ignore it, help me and then get sent back to prison. I'm sure it would be worth it."_

"Definitely, but, unfortunately, I'm on leave but not technically allowed to leave the office. So I'll stick to the phone."

_"Why? What's happening over there?"_

"Peter—you remember Peter?—and the head of my department disliked how I was used in a different department's assignment. It's like the second time I've been used for bait. The explosive was new though…"

_"Explosive?!"_

"Yeah, it's fine. Nothing happened."

_"Does that type of thing happen a lot?"_

"Nope, and it looks like it'll never happen again."

_"Good. I feel like I should get Peter something."_

"I recommend Pick Pocketing for Dummies or 'Catch Me if You Can.'"

_"Yeah, no."_

"Could you climb over the studio walls?"

_"I _could._ Not going to though."_

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

_"I think I lost it when the walls were three times as tall as me."_

"So like double a normal person?"

_"…Isn't there a more normal way for me to avoid them?"_

"You're likeable. I'm sure you can find people similar to your height to walk out of the studio's back entrance with huge hats covering their faces. Just wait like thirty seconds and slip out the side and _walk casually _away. No running."

_"That's…incredibly simple."_

"Most cons are."

"Really?" Jones asked.

"Well, small cons," Neal amended.

"And some larger cons," Peter said as he came to a stop by Neal's desk, rubbing his temple.

"How'd it go?"

"Organized Crimes officially apologizes, but Ruiz officially doesn't care."

"But luckily Ruiz isn't the department head," Neal said, "and—ah—thanks."

Peter's faced softened. "Us caring about your safety is nothing you ever have to thank us for."

_"Tell Peter I said hi! But I got like four people. Four ought to do it, don't you think?"_

"Just make sure they don't go the direction you need to go and that they shield their faces from the paparazzi."

_"Got it."_

"Oh, and I want to meet Chord."

_"Fine, just don't be mean."_

"When am I ever mean?"

_"You _know _what I mean, no…intimidating, manipulating, mocking—"_

Neal rolled his eyes. "I'll be on my best behavior. Good luck, Blaine."

_"Thanks! Bye!"_

"What's Blaine doing?" Peter asked.

"Avoiding paparazzi."

"Oh yeah, those photos! He's dating that Overstreet guy, isn't he?"

"Okay, how do _you, _Peter Burke, professional FBI agent, know about celebrity gossip my brother that _I _don't know?"

"It's not my fault you're oblivious to the millions of tabloids and radio shows," Peter said. "And here's some mortgage fraud."

"Peter," Neal said in a tone that was definitely not whiny.

"You shouldn't have told me that you would prefer mortgage fraud to doing nothing."

"I was a fool then! An immature little boy! I've grown so much more since then."

"I'm glad," Peter said. "You should celebrate that gift by going over mortgage fraud."

"Blaine _was _going to give you a present for defending my honor from cheap explosives and Organized Crimes, but I'm going to tell him to hold off on that."

"Right, because he would listen to you," Peter said, "but stay safe. Next time you're in a situation like that, contact me."

"Yes, dad."

"I'm serious, Neal."

"I know," Neal said, "and it means a lot…really."

Peter gave him a soft smile before gruffly clearing his throat. "Well, have fun with mortgage fraud."

"Yeah…_right._"

~O~

Neal was relaxing on June's balcony and had a couple of tabloids spread across the table. Apparently, Blaine and Chord's relationship _was _big news. His phone vibrated against the table before he could flip through his first tabloid.

"Hey, Elizabeth," Neal greeted.

_"Hello, Neal. I was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner."_

"You know I never pass up a chance to eat your cooking."

_"Thanks, but this isn't exactly my cooking…or your favorite."_

Neal frowned, both cautious and worried. "What is it?"

_"Deviled ham."_

"Elizabeth!" Neal whined. Yes, whined.

_"I'm sorry, Neal, but we have a _ton._ You don't have to eat it, I just need helping freezing most of it. I swear, Blaine gave us a two year supply."_

"Blaine?" Neal said, eyes narrowing.

_"Oh yeah, apparently he wanted to give Peter a 'thank you' and knew how much Peter loved deviled ham…"_

"And how much I hate it," Neal muttered.

_"What was that?"_

"Nothing. I'm coming over."

_"Thank you so much! See you in a few!"_

Looks like Neal was going to upload that latest blackmail of Blaine up on YouTube. He was sure the fans and paparazzi would love to see the Gap Attack. Blaine needed a bit more media spot light… Neal didn't want to be the only one who suffered. Peter's breathe was going to start smelling like a stake out.

**Totally made Blaine/Sam/Chord a couple because I wanted to use Blam! Love Darren Criss…**


End file.
